The Homeless Man In My Back Yard

It’s amazing how differently we each view the world. I think I had a pretty fun and amazing childhood. I personally thought it was relatively normal but every time I honestly tell someone what it was like they tell me one thing–”Um, Michelle..that’s not normal.”

But what is normal anyway? I mean, I got all the toys I girl could dream of. I had friends, played sports, and pretty much got to do exactly what I wanted to do until things took a downward toll.

I personally think other people had abnormal childhoods. I came to college and it as a shock to me that most people did not know how to do their own laundry or cook for themselves. I had been doing that since I as 7 years old. I personally couldn’t believe that people didn’t know that there were people who didn’t have health insurance. That there were honestly people who existed that lived below the poverty line in America. To me, I couldn’t believe that they lived in reality at all.

I have to say that personally, I feel as if my childhood gave me a clear picture of several worlds in America. During the week I went to school in Upper Class white suburbia. On weekends I lived in the heart of the ghetto that I didn’t even know was the ghetto until the Upper White Class friends of mine came with me to my grandmother’s house and were “scared”. I didn’t get it myself. It was also a reality check to me. The neighborhood that I went to on weekends was perfectly safe to me. In fact, I felt more self conscious going through the extremely rich areas of Dallas like Highland Park and perfectly fine driving through Oak Cliff at night.

But this adventure to my grandmother’s house turned out to be even more of an adventure for my comrades. I will admit that to this day I feel as if it’s these types of issues that shape why I just can’t see anything in black or white. Let’s take my grandmother’s house for an example. Here we had a homeless guy that lived in our back yard in one of the “little houses”. I don’t want to call it a shed because it had air condition and electricity but I wouldn’t say it was exactly a fancy little house. We had three in the back yard. One for me and my siblings that had all of our video games and stuff in. One for my Dad that was his contruction company office, and one for Billy Wane or later Eric. As my friends approached my backyard, the first thing that was glaringly obvious was that there was a fridge in the middle of the backyard. Yes. It was just hooked up with an extention cord from one of the “little houses”. This of course served as a source to put all of Billy Wane’s beer in.

Yes, that’s right. Beer. For you see Billy Wane was homeless before he came to stay in our backyard. My grandfather didn’t pay him. He let him stay in one of the little houses, my grandmother had me take him food everyday, and in return for doing all the house work and repairs around the house my grandfather paid him in beer.

Now is this morally wrong? I’m not sure. If you think about it–the guy is an alcoholic. All he wants in life is beer. Give him one in the morning so he can shake off his inebriation and as the day goes on give him a couple of more. I mean, in all honestly does it not count as income if you count how much it would cost him in rent, then in food, and then in beer to survive? He has no bills to pay. But some people might say this was an abuse in power. I honestly don’t know.

We never treated him wrong. He has his own place now but he still comes around sometimes.  To be honest both of them–Billy Wane and later Eric were some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Sure they have problems with alcoholism but at the end of the day they were funny and a pleasure to be around when they weren’t totally drunk off their ass.

And it goes back to this. I honestly don’t know what is normal. And I don’t think anyone else does either.

This is a first in a series of instances in my life when outside friends have straight up told me: That’s Not Normal

I thought I had pictures of my backyard on this computer but looks like I do not. I have pictures of them but I’m not sure it’s exactly respectful to post pictures of people without their consent.

Just Wonderful

Why can’t I sleep at night?

Don’t say it’s going to be all right.

I want to be able to eat spaghetti bolognese

And not feel guilty about it for days

and days

and days

Reality Check

You know, I see students say how much they are suffering and I just can’t help but feel that they by no means live in reality. I’m not going to beat around the bush. I read a journal entry from one of my friends that talked about the tragedy of his phone breaking and that just set of alarms in my head as to how much from reality we truly are.

First, saying a crack in your phone is a tragedy is grossly inaccurate on any level. A tragedy is being diagnosed with cancer. A tragedy is someone bombing a hotel. A tragedy is losing the life of a family member. A tragedy is not being able to scrape together enough money to buy any of the essentials in life.

A tragedy is not breaking your fucking phone or ipod. It’s not the fact that you can’t buy that hot new shirt. It’s not lacking the money to go downtown.

These are not fucking tragedies and it’s an insult to say they are. So before you think a certain word fits your situation, maybe you should take a step back and truly think about it.

I have a sense of humor. I’m aware it was probably in jest but reading the entry rubbed me completely the wrong way when right now in the world we have real issues–like poverty, an oil spill, inequality issues, war, and an education system that is failing us.

Done Done and Done

You know, I really do think I’m some what insane. I really do. I used not to be like this. If people didn’t want to talk anymore, then fine, screw them I’ll go on with my life.

Lately I’ve been trying to keep friendships up and I’ve realized it’s exhausting and like Kathryn said, kind of pointless. There will be new friends. There always are. There’s no point. I’m never going to ask someone more than once to do something. If you constantly have to re-schedule with a person then there really is no point in even trying to maintain a friendship. I’m too lazy for it. I’m exhausted. Oh, and I’m tired of being consistently blown off.

It’s back to my old ways. I’ll call you on your birthday because it’s your special day, but past that I’m not going to make any effort to maintain things.

I have so many drafts that I haven’t published. Hmm.

Moderation

My mind goes a million miles an hour. I might say one conclusion to an issue but to be honest I constantly have a battle going on in my head as to what is the right solution. More often than not I come to the conclusion in my head that there usually is no truly right solution. The world is not black and white and it’s impossible to truly know the outcome of what is going to happen once a policy is passed.

Today the main debate going in my head is Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Watching the news and the pundits and reading the articles from both sides and I can’t help but be extremely annoyed with both sides on the issue.

For one, the right is constantly insinuating that gays are some how more immoral than straight people and that allowing gays in the military will have tremendous effects on unit cohesion. Then there’s the left, who says that Obama should have just issued an Executive Order to abolish the military just like Truman did when blacks and white troops were integrated. That no study is needed.

For one reason there is no need to even bother to argue the rights side right now because lets be honest. At the end of the day it’s just plain fear mongering. No, the side I’m going to argue against is the far left. First off, Truman did not instantly integrate the army. He too, like President Obama, had two studies conducted to see how this would effect the U.S. troops. Not one but two. Saying this study is not needed is foolish. They’re not studying it for the sole purpose of seeing if the law should be repealed. They already said they would. They’re studying the issue to see what is the best way to implement the law and how to deal with cases of abuse, discrimination, and hatred that might come forth after the law is repealed. At least, listening to the hearings that is the conclusion I have come to. It’s about 4 hours long on youtube if you feel like watching it yourself.

Then, there is the issue that segregation of the military was not law. There was the law of the land that Separate But Equal was okay to impliment if a state wanted to, but they did not have to. Here’s where the issue differs. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a law, passed by congress in 1993. Therefore, even if the President issues an Executive Order to abolish the law, it would only be valid while he himself was in office. The next President, if they saw fit could just as easily have the law re-enforced if he saw fit. The part I can agree on is that the President could, and should stop people currently being discharged under the rule but to say that he should just issue an Executive Order is both foolish and short sided. But he also could do both. I will admit to that also.

Then there is an instance where Gay Rights Activist always like to call blacks hypocrites when it comes to the Gay Rights Movement while at the same time comparing the Civil Rights Movement and the Gay Rights Movement. When in reality, if you asked a large portion of the black community on the issue most are either indifferent or for granting another minority their rights. Even my Southern Baptist family may not agree with gay marriage on a personal level but they can’t find the will to actively go out and campaign and vote against it. And I see this everywhere. And last but not least, the Gay Rights Movement has never tried to engage the black and latino communities. If they did, they would have strong allies which leads to my last point.

Many of the representatives that are pushing so hard for the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell are in fact the black Civil Rights Leaders. They’ve been there the whole time but they don’t get the attention that they so rightly deserve. Instead the Gay Rights Movement overlooks them and jumps on bullshit polls that were later proven to be drastically skewed that ZOMG BLACKS HATE THE GAYS.

Representative Lewis Starts @20 seconds

I’m also confident that with an actual repeal of DADT will lead to the White House debating domestic partner benefits for spouses of LGBT soldiers in the military which will eventually lead to some type of federal definition of a civil partnership. Anyone who doesn’t see that is being short sited. I’m usually right. I’m not even going to hide my cockiness there.

I know there are probably a lot of typos here. I’ll have to look over them later but I just wanted to get my thoughts out for once before I forget them because I’m already thinking about Japan/US/China relations and that’s a long rant.

Dreams

I hate when you have those dreams that are more exhausting than being awake. I had one of those today. I was being chased by a two-headed dog and it was determined. They wouldn’t freak out around anyone else but kept on trying to bite me. I asked a coworker, who for some reason lived in this neighborhood, to hold the dog while I tried to get away. He did but of course the dogs eventually caught up with me no matter now fast I ran. I knocked on someones door. They let me in and there I tried to get a breath as I explained to the stranger what was happening while the dog banged into her door.

I’m always being chased by something. Always. Usually though I get exhausted and just jump off a cliff to escape it all and wake up while I’m falling into some dark abyss gasping for air.

Not today, today I wake up while asking for help from a nice stranger.

Take that as you will.

Way To Go Sherlock

So you’re walking down the drag and the La Creme people are handing out free yogurt. As someone who is lactose intolerant, what do you do if they ask if you’d like some free yogurt.

1. Say “No Thank You” and go on about your day.

2. Take some anyway and give them to your friends.

3. Take some and eat it anyway.

Of course I did option 3. I have no earthly idea why I do these things but I do.

I’ll Think About It Tomorrow

I constantly procrastinate. Hell, writing this post I’m procrasitnating. I always say I don’t have the time and that’s just not the case.

I have the time to do so many things that I love. Reading, writing, drawing, skating, swimming, yet I procrastinate so fucking much on all of these pointless websites.

Especially Oh No They Didn’t, ONTD_blllolllu, CNN, Twitter, and Facebook.

Well I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. Why would I waste my life away with this crap.

I know part of the reason is that I have an extremely short attention span. Another is that I’m part of the internet generation. I mean, we’ve always had it. 24/7.

But I can at least solve some of the problem. I’m disconnecting the internet at my house. It’s the first step.

Names

60 years ago my father’s mother named him, his sister, and his brother John, Wanda, and Glen respectively and in return they each had one kid and named them Michelle, Mark, and Glen II.

They were Baby Boomers that grew up during the Civil Rights Movement. My grandmother was the child of slaves.

Everyone was given a name with one issue in mind and one issue only. Does the name give away the race of my child? No. As a result we all got the plainest and most non-threatening names in the English language.

And it’s worked. I always get the call for the job interview. And I have one tomorrow.

The question remains though, once they find out my race, will they still want to give me the job? It’s always the question that I face and looms in the back of my mind. Maybe you assume I’m overreacting but until you see the shock and realization when the receptionist finally ask “Wait, are you Michelle White?” after she realizes that no one else has come into the lobby for an interview, do not tell me I’m overreacting.

I hope I get the management job.

Comedic Gold

Some of the most hilarious moments to me are when people aren’t trying to be funny. Well, and I have this knack for laughing at completely inappropriate moments–(i.e. car wrecks, awkward situations, deaths, etc etc-that Barenaked Ladies line about laughing at a funeral is totally about me)–but today just happens to be an awesome day when it comes to political fucker. It’s filled with moments like SURELY THESE PEOPLE CANNOT BE SERIOUS.

For example. Let’s take George Alan Reker who not only happens to be on National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH)–which actively seeks out to treat homosexuality and make gay people straight, he’s also a great friend of Focus on the Family. You know, the people who actively monitor everything on television to insure that your children will not become homosexuals. GOD FORBID.

Well, yesterday he was spotted in the airport with a rent-boy. Now before you say it’s derogatory and there’s no way you can know if he’s a “rent-boy” he totally is. The guy advertises on his own website that he is in-fact a boy available for rent.

So today to quash the rumors Mr. Reker’s claims that he hired him to carry his luggage. THAT’S IT. It’s not like the airport has people to do that. Lmao. Omg. I can’t even. And he took this guy to his vacation house. Yeah, I’m totally buying this story. I just, who’s honestly stupid enough to believe this bullshit.

I hope a sex tape comes out. NOM NOM NOM. I love it when hypocrites get caught.

Part One
Part Two

UPDATE: THE ESCORT SPEAKS

AND LOW AND BEHOLD THE GUY REALLY IS GAY. DYING OF LAUGHTER. Idec if this isn’t professional.